The Killer Left Signs And Other Stories
by Bunnyxgun
Summary: Motercycle riding grannies? Evil road signs? Bishie glomping? They're all in here!
1. The Hell Grannies

**The Killer Left Signs And Other Stories**

**Since I rewrote my other two stories, I thought I might as well Do these as well, and maybe more stories to the collection. Well, enjoy my lovely people.**

Hassleberry was in a park that had somehow appeared on Duel academy island, and for some reason was the desk man for a cheesy news flash.

Hassleberry pulled a serious face into the camera, "We interrupt this program to bring you an important news flash. Overnight a new terrorist group called the Hell Grannies has sprung into the public eye. We know go over to Alexis in the field."

The scene cut over to Alexis standing on a path next to a big muddy mound of dirt.

"Thank you, Hassleberry. Our sources have informed us that the Hell Grannies are a criminal organisation of old women intent on world domination (what villain isn't?), and have set their sights on attacking random young people in the hope of attracting supporters for their cause, most likely fellow elderly citizens," Alexis said with a degree of professionalism.

An old woman walked past the camera Alexis was talking to. She walked slowly, with a Zimmer frame helping her move along. At the same time Jaden walked towards the old lady, absent mindedly whistling the Mew mew theme song as he wandered on.

As Jaden got closer to the women, her eyes gleamed. When she was right next to him, she lifted up her Zimmer frame and swung it at Jaden with full force, "HA!!!!!" she screamed, still whacking him with it.

"URGH!" Jaden groaned, after getting hit in the stomach, and falling flat on his face. The Granny posed triumphantly over Jaden's body.

"A classic example of a Granny attack."

"Alexis, can you tell us why exactly the Grannies are rebelling?" Hassleberry asked.

Alexis strolled along the path she was filming on whilst talking to the camera, "Politicians have a theory that the decline in daytime TV programming and excess caffeine and sports drinks have started the feud, the U.N congress will be discussing it in their next meeting on Mond......AAAYYYYYYYYYY!" She screamed, as she fell down a giant manhole that she had failed to notice before

The camera zoomed in on her body sprawled across the ground in a painful looking manor.

"HELL GRANNIES GO!" Came the cries of a group of motorcycle clad Grandma's speeding over the mud mound, spraying the camera crew with mud as they rode, laughing, into the horizon.

"_Cough cough, _as you can see, _cough , _action must, _cough, _taken against the hell Grannies, _cough cough_," Alexis choked as dust polluted her air in the hole.

The scene went back to Hassleberry in the park.

"This is Hassleberry, advising you not to go anywhere near old people's homes, crowded areas, Caravan Parks or supermarket cafes at lunchtimes. Please take care."

**And done. I know you want to click the review button, it's right there! Please!**


	2. The Killer Left signs

The Killer Left Signs And Other Stories

**And the next chapter is here. My other profile is: ****Lethal Shuriken****. **

*Cheesy Intro song*

"Good evening, and welcome to paranoia news! Let's go over to Alexis in the field with our latest story!" Hassleberry said, his voice dripping with obvious fake enthusiasm, to hide his hatred for this crappy job.

"Thank you Hassleberry. Whilst investigating the hell grannies criminal Organisation, our search teams have discovered a new threat. The killer left signs." Alexis sternly stated for the camera, standing in the middle of a country lane.

It looked pretty much like a normal country lane. Grassy, trees, bunny rabbits being mauled to death by foxes (*Sob*), and two lefts signs on either side of the path.

As the camera was rolling, Jesse (why is he here so conveniently?) chose that moment to walk past the camera down the lane, passing through the left signs.

When he was walking through them, they sprang up like zombies in a horror movie and sprouted legs (apparently they can do that).

"Oh my god!" he cried in horror, running away, while the signs walked slowly in circles on the spot.

"As you can see these signs have the ability to _walk_!" Alexis said with an eyebrow raised.

The signs paused, looked at each other (with what eyes, may I ask?)and made a mad run towards her.

"AURGHHHHH!!!!!" she screamed, running away as fast as she could towards the sunset, making a crucifix with her fingers as she ran.

The camera zoomed in on her terrified face as the signs perused her.

The camera cut off as Hassleberry cut in from the studio.

"Our scientists at the Paranoia news studio have studied this phenomenon, finding that the power of logic of this cartoon universe has fallen into the hands of a 14 year old girl with no common sense and is seriously messed up for life. We advise everyone to stay indoors and stay away from....…"

Hassleberry was cut off by a left signs crashing through the studio doors wielding rocket launchers, machine guns and hand grenades.

"Omg! They have hands! And opposable thumbs!!" a camera man cried out in horror.

Suddenly the screen tuned into static................

**Chapter end. What will happen next time in: TKLSAOT! **

**REVIEW! Please make my day!**


	3. Blood

The Killer left signs and other stories

Chapter 3

**Suger. The greatest invention ever!!!!!!!!**

A handheld home video camera flicked to life.

"Hello, this is Hassleberry!" Since the destruction of the paranoia news! Studio last chapter, the show had to be filmed by the only surviving cameraman, Bobin.

"A startling new development! Before the tragic demise of our scientists, they made a revolutionary discovery! Over to Alexis in the field."

The camera turned to Alexis, who was holding a beige file book.

"In the remains of the studio, we found this folder. Inside, there is the solution to global warming!" She smiled, "In their last few days, the good doctors compiled a report and a draft of an amazing machine that will end one of the biggest problems facing mankind! Let me show you...." She paused, leafing through the file.

Accidently, she sliced her finger on a piece of paper, a single drop of blood oozing out.

"OMFG!!! Jasper's coming for me!!! Save me Edward!!!" She shrieked, throwing herself to the ground, and chucking the file into a conveniently located river.

"I knew we shouldn't have hired a Twihard," the cameraman sighed.

"Alexis, what on earth are you doing?" Hassleberry groaned.

"NO! I'm too pretty and young and successful to die!!!" She cried.

"Pull yourself together woman! Sparkly vampires are not coming to get you!" He frowned, "I think we need to cut to our sponsors while she pulls herself together....oh, we don't have sponsors anymore. We'll just be back soon."

**Review, and the god of trading cards will smile down on you.**


End file.
